Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
high people should be assigned attendants
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
