No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
