Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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