I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
