So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
