Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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