I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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