eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
