So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
