You work out of a Hotel?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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