problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize