the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
