i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
