On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
