just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
