saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
