The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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