he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
