my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
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i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
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For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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