After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize