I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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