you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
