Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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