Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize