Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
