i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
