so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
