Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
