I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
