I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
