you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
