If i come over, it means nothing
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
