Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
