I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
