He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
