Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
