If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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