Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
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You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
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I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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