We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
