Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
