My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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