Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
