He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
