Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
