so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
