Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
