Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
