I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
