Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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