Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you win again, gameday.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
