i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Enjoy the penises
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
