I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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