the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
