I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
