omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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