I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
