ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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