he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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