Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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