Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
