You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
